18 tweets about food that are simply too funny to be left alone
If you're not very familiar with Twitter, here's the basic concept. Just like any other social media site, you create and account and then can connect with people. Some people have a lot of followers and others don't. A Twitter user has 140 characters or less to say what they want to say. So, the communication is concise.
Some of these people are famous, others aren't. Regardless, they all said something on Twitter about food that we thought was funny. Now, it's time to enjoy.
The Snake Diet
I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you.
— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) March 9, 2016
Happy accidents?
I hate when I’m on the treadmill and my hand accidentally hits the stop button & I have to get off and eat a bacon grilled cheese sandwich.
— Bill Murray (@BiIIMurray) April 28, 2015
Those who love all things organic
Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 10, 2012
A page from Bond's playbook
Pleasure to meet you. The name's... pic.twitter.com/Auq5ynNTHJ
— Jay 🖖 (@jaybn1) August 18, 2016
Survival of the fittest
Steps to survive on a dessert island:
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) February 4, 2015
1. check spelling
2. if correct, enjoy
We've all been there
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
Wife: But I only...
Me: EXACTLY the amount
Would the real Food Network please stand up?
Me on food network:
— AKILAH (@Akiladahun1) August 11, 2016
"I made a puréed nut spread w/ a grape relish reduction paired w/ brioche bun" pic.twitter.com/rZFDjISYoL
You know who you are
Food delivery is a combination of my three favorite things:
— TokenSuperhero (@MarcusTheToken) July 18, 2011
1. Food
2. Not moving
3. Avoiding people
Emotions all over the charts
People who think you can't be happy and sad at the same time have obviously never eaten all the cookies in the house in one sitting.
— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) February 10, 2016
Naming conventions
What's a 27-letter word for "Corn"? pic.twitter.com/lAyu5kKAEC
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) August 22, 2014
The sad truth about carrots
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) October 9, 2014
"Butterly" confused
Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 12, 2016
Share food? Me?
"I don't want a whole dessert, let's just get two spoons" - Former friends of mine.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 12, 2015
Don't ask a question you might not like the answer to
Waitress: what can I get for you?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) July 17, 2015
Me: i'll have the steak
W: how would you like it?
Me: immediately
How to properly propose a toast
*walks up to microphone during wedding reception*
— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1) July 25, 2015
*taps on mic; everyone smiles*
"Anyone that doesn't want their cake, pass it to me please"
This means war
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
— Andy Hardy (@AndyAsAdjective) November 30, 2013
Freudian slip
I hate when I try to order a salad and my mouth says, "I'll have a double Quarter Pounder with Cheese."
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 29, 2014
Job interviews and food
[INTERVIEW]
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) April 13, 2016
HR: What are your strengths?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
HR: Wow-Weaknesses?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
